2 posts tagged “relationships”

Being in my mid-20s, I know it's only natural to be having discussions with my girls about relationships/guys, the frustrations/qualities that give him a grade of 'fail' or 'pass.' Thinking back on my past experiences and guys that I currently know, I have come up with a list of Man Loathings. And so, here is Monica's List of Qualities in a man that make me say "No, thank you."

- smoking, that's just nasty.
- a guy who is significantly skinnier. If it appears that I could eat more food than you or it looks like I could beat you up, not so attractive.
- thinks up scenarios under which he would "leave his wife" (yeah, that's really funny. . . )
- someone who takes longer than you to get ready and pays more attention to fashion than you do
- a man who has a very tiny group of friends (like 1 or 2) and everyone else just seems to hate him
- highly emotionally unstable and must have you around every single moment of every freaking day
- any guy that drives a BMW
- constantly says, "She's so hot" every single time multiple girls' names comes up (we got it the last time you said it and we definitely don't care to hear it again - it's just getting annoying)
- a guy who isn't driven at all = a complete bum
- high level of immaturity; No, you are no longer 17 years old.
- he doesn't make you feel like a woman; no respect and no regard

Whoops, I'm sorry. Did I just rule out every single guy on planet Earth??

A few days ago, my single friend Jenn and I were having a long conversation on the phone about how most men need to feel needed by women. I'm not talking about the overbearing i-need-you-or-i'm-going-to-die type of need, but the honey-could-you-fix-this type of need.

Jenn is a mechanical engineer. We both went to the same 'institute of technology.' We love figuring out how things work on our own and can fully work a new electronic device in a matter of minutes. We're handy with a wrench and when something's broken - we fix it ourselves. Apparently, this is a huge turnoff for the boys.

At a recent dinner with friends, Jenn's eyes were opened to the reality of the helpless-maiden affect on men. The hostess of the dinner party was completely technology-retarded. Upon opening up the fridge, Greg moved one of the adjustable shelves to make more room for a gallon of milk. The hostess saw Greg moving the fridge shelf via the adjustable knob and was astonished. "Like oh my gosh, I totally didn't know my fridge could do that and I've, like, totally had that for, like, ever!" (Ok, so she didn't speak like a graduate from Sweet Valley High but it's fun to pretend she did.) Greg straightened up and puffed out his chest slightly and said "Here, I'll show you how it works." Then it's time to set the dinner table. So another guest, Dan, sees that there's a crack in the middle of the table, clearly indicating the ability to extend and goes on to . . . well, extend the table. Retarded hostess sees this and exclaims "Oh wow, oh my gosh -- I didn't know that table could do that! I've had it for 5 years!" Dan's ego gets a little boost and he smiles and straightens up a little bit taller - "Let me show you!"

At this point Jenn was pissed. "WTF?! How could she not know any of that?! I was so pissed," Jenn told me on the phone. "She's still completely technology-retarded, but you know what? She just might have a man by her side in a matter of a few weeks."

My personal example - the short version: loose bicycle brake. ask for tools from John. John brings tools. John starts working on bike. John keeps working on bike. John makes bike even worse. Monica - that's me - gets annoyed. Monica knows exactly how to fix it. Monica gives John time out of kindness and the fact that it's John's tools. Monica's patience runs out. Monica says "Let me fix it" and John, so sweetly (<--sarcasm) responds "Yeah, I don't think you can fix it."  So, without another word, Monica fixes it. John walks away mad. 

Proposed solution? Fake it. Play the part of a helpless maiden. Even if we know how to fix the problem ourselves - ask a hot guy for help. Perhaps, then, guys won't be turned off.

Jenn and I would rather projectile vomit.